Parental fights and child trauma

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parental fights

Do you know what happens to children during parental fights? Apparently a lot of children describe the experience as being similar to “Oxygen being sucked out of the room”; in other words they feel stressed to a point where they cannot breathe easily.

In developmental psychology parental fights are seen as something that cannot be completely avoided. It is normal that two people in a marriage, living in the same house would have clashes and disagreements but at the same time, it is also possible for such situations to be handled with care.

Destructive parental fights should be avoided

What does this mean? Well for starters, don’t shout at each other, do not physically harm each other or destroy objects in the house. Any form of aggression and violence is harmful whether your children are present in the room at that moment or not. F they do happen to see and hear all this, their young minds – still too immature to grasp the idea that two of the most important people in their life are fighting – will simply be traumatized. In addition to this, it could also seriously lead to them not being able have trusting and loving relationships in their adult life.

parental fights

Parental fights make children blame themselves

To an adult this would not make sense. For example, if two other people were fighting why would you blame yourself for it, unless of course, you insinuated the conflict or contributed to it in some small way at least? But this is not how children think. For them parental fights, whether it makes sense or not, is a result of something they did or said. They blame themselves and that could cause their normal development to be hindered and even lead to troubling behavior and learning difficulties.

parental fights

What can you do to avoid this?

One thing that you could do is to take a breath and discuss with your partner rather than arguing. If things are really in a bad place. Perhaps you could take your discussion up at a time when the children are away at school. You should also remember that once you have children you have a responsibility to ensure that they enjoy the best family setting as possible. It really contributes in building a good future for them. Be patient and be wise. Your children will learn from you and walk on your footsteps.

parental fights

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